Dilemma (need your opinion)

[MovingShadow]

to understand I need to tell a few things first.

I've been single for a year now (had a couple of dates but nothing really steady) after I broke up with my gf. I was already living with her together in our apartment.

To make this story short, she cheated on me and the guy she cheated me with called her up in the middle of the night, send her a bunch of text messages etc.. it was annoying the crap out of me.
I went back living home..

So few months ago I started talking (well she started talking to me first) with a girl. Very friendly, casual chit chat in texts or via FB. But over the time we started having more serious conversations.
I also did 2 night shifts last month and she kept texting me until like 3 in the morning.
She trusts me, she said said some very personal things to me (things that I'm not sure her own boyfriend knows)
She also has a boyfriend for one and a half year and recently keeps more complaining about him to me that how he's annoying and trifling her, testing her patience.
2 Days ago we meet up. It was very sneaky though, noone could know. Had to wait in the street, text her and she'd get in the car and then drove to a parking lot underneath a bridge. Don't get me wrong we didn't do anything other than talk.. alot.

We had some good laughs and about all kinds of stuff. Eventually we started about her feelings and mine in general. She said she didn't actually know for certain if she still loved him. Afterwards, after I dropped her back at her house she asked in a text what went through my mind whilst we were sitting there in the car and I honestly admitted I wanted to kiss her and touch her.. to my surprise she replied that maybe we should have.
Even though she admitted she once got cheated by a ex of her, and doesn't want to do it herself but she wanted to know how it would have felt.

The day after she's telling me she does still have feelings for him but she also very much likes me and doesn't want to lose me.
She said she wasn't sure of the future and what would happen. My last text was to wait, no rush and that I didn't want to drive her crazy and let each other be for a moment.

I'm a guy of principles and told myself, I'm better than what my ex was and did to me but I'm doing the same now, no? I'm confused lately..

(sorry for the wall of text)

 

[weebob]

My experience Once a cheat always a cheat mate. Easy for me to say mate but I'd cut my loses. I do have very limited patience for being messed about in a relationship. It shouldn't be like that.

 

[maggi200]

Sounds like a position I was in a while back, and a few people on here will know it all. At the end of the day i was foolish to want more, and agree with weebob here. You'll never be satisfied, and there will always be that niggle at the abck of your mind.

Fact you started this thread kinda already shows that.

Something good always comes along when you're not looking. Chin up and just keep doing your own thing

 

[waitey]

As maggi said, I always say that the best things come unexpected.

Just enjoy your life the way you want to and do what you think is right as everyone has their ups and downs you've just got to remind yourself that was the past and you don't know what your future holds. If that makes sense

 

[jra3d]

Go with the flow....

To be honest people who say once a cheat always a cheat don't really know too much. Maybe bad experiences in the past but a leopard can change its spots. As long as you trust that person and there is honesty on the relationship and built over bonds not sexual desires then you should both have no problems.

If you want to know more fella PM me for my experience with my situation as its not something I wish to share so openly.

 

[MovingShadow]

Could be right yes.

My patience is not the same anymore but then again I had a great time talking to here, and being honest to each other.

I've seen the girl since this summer and each time she seen me she said she wanted to know me better. We only started talking a few months ago.

She wants me to come to the same party she is to celebrate new years eve.

 

[jra3d]

Honesty is the best way and if you know all their skeletons then your half way there!

 

[Daveyb133]

i became single as of yesterday. i knew it was coming though and the relationship was rather complicated any way.

best thing i can suggest mate, is wait until she has made her decision, dont make it for her, only bad will come of that. shes the one in a relationship at the moment so you are always going to be 2nd best and thats not easy. are u really going to be happy being the 2nd person?

if u like her then is it her u like or the excitement of the chase because she is with someone.

best of luck mate and have a good think about things, trust me its for the best.

 

[MovingShadow]

i became single as of yesterday. i knew it was coming though and the relationship was rather complicated any way.

best thing i can suggest mate, is wait until she has made her decision, dont make it for her, only bad will come of that. shes the one in a relationship at the moment so you are always going to be 2nd best and thats not easy. are u really going to be happy being the 2nd person?

if u like her then is it her u like or the excitement of the chase because she is with someone.

best of luck mate and have a good think about things, trust me its for the best.

That's what I've told her too, that I don't want her to make a decision now but wait and see.

I like her, if not having a boyfriend we would have seen each other a lot more already.

 

[DrDrew]

I'd say don't be "that other guy" whilst she's in a relationship. If she's with another guy (even of she says she doesn't love him - which I guess you can presume she hasn't spoken about with him) it's never going to be a good start.

I'd want there to be a clean break, and her to be properly over him before starting anything.

Just my 2p

 

[pritchp]

Mate, im in exactly the same boat as you!!!

Really like this girl, she likes me.. but shes in a relationship and has been with him for 10 years, but she doesnt want to be with him but doesnt know how to end it etc..

we've have a cuddle in bed but no kissing/touching

sucks eh!

 

[weebob]

Go with the flow....

To be honest people who say once a cheat always a cheat don't really know too much....

Hrm,
as stated I can only go on my past experiences. Of course it doesnt run true for everyone. Personally I think people can be loyal by nature, and as such people can be unloyal.

My opinion, be it right or wrong, doesn't grade my level of knowledge, been in this situation a couple of times, this is my conclusion.

 

[jra3d]

Sorry weebob that wasn't a dig at you mate just find some people are very judgemental over peoples relationships!

My moto is a relationship is between two people not 3, 4 or 5

 

[weebob]

Sorry weebob that wasn't a dig at you mate just find some people are very judgemental over peoples relationships!

My moto is a relationship is between two people not 3, 4 or 5

no probs fella. (iPad auto correct wants to change probs into probes lol)

That is very true, personally I don't share things like this with others, just the way I work. But for others a bit of perspective may help.

 

[HigtonA]

I am soo glad I stumbled across this thread,

My dilemma at the moment is I have met this girl and seen her a few times, really like each other but her ex still thinks their together after he cheated(had sex) with 3 other girls! So I am just waiting to see if she ends it properly with her ex :/ but its been troubling me the past few days on what she wants :/

 

[MovingShadow]

you have to be carefull with girls that still have too much their ex in their minds.

(speaking from my own experience) they have the tendencie of using you a as rebound.