Leanne
Well-known member
In response to ‘The LAD bible’…
1) Thou shall commit one’s self to the commandments written in this bible.
2) Thou shall guard one's make-up with her life.
3) Thou shall refer to one’s vagina as her 'fufu' ‘VJJ’, ‘tuppence’ or ‘miffy, as oppose to her 'gash' 'pussy' ‘c*nt’ or ‘fanny’.
4) Thou must always tell her boyfriend he looks nice, although it is highly likely that he needs a shave/haircut/wash.
5) Thou must never stand up to urinate.
6) Thou shall NEVER put one’s hands down thou pants.
7) Thou shall do thou best to act feminine.
8) Thou shall appreciate one’s womanly curves and ghetto booty as a gift from God.
9) Thou shall avoid hair in the following areas; rectum, toes, legs, stomach, armpits, above thine upper lip.
10) If thou does not like wine, thou shall pretend to like it anyway.
11)Thou shall always wear a bra to avoid any unneccesary sagging in later life.
12) Thou must remember that without our eggs, man would not exist, therefore we are superior to man.
13) Thou must never make a porno of any kind.
14) Thou shall only flash one’s ****s/miffy in an attempt to gain freebies.
15) Thou shall sometimes fake an orgasm during sex to avoid hurting the feelings of thine LAD.
16) Thou shall scream louder than necessary to boost male ego.
17) Thou shall use the power of TEASE.
18) Thou shall appreciate the creation of GHDS.
19) Thou shall never use lipstick as a substitute for blusher.
20) Thou must avoid the drip/dry method at all costs.
21) Thou shall not stuff thou bra with tissue paper or socks, thou must either accept thy flat chest or buy a padded bra
22) If thou be brave enough, thou shall get a Vajazzle!
23) Thou shall not fondle with another LASS's man.
24) Thou shall not accept ‘being tired’ as a viable reason for falling asleep before/during sex.
25) Thou shall avoid buying male clothing for one's self.
26) Thou shall shop at EVERY opportunity.
27) Thou shall not let her eyebrow(s) form one eyebrow.
28) If thou has dark hair, thou shall shave her moustache.
29) Thou shall strictly follow the rule, ‘chicks before dicks’
30) Thou shall kick man in his private area if he is being a sexual pest.
31) Thou shall not wear male underwear.
32) Thou shall never take steroids to increase the size of her biceps.
33) Thou shall take care not to allow her vaginal hair to become a pubic forest.
34) Thou shall never bite thou toenails, pick thou nose or itch thou bum in public.
35) Thou shall not admit to flatulating and instead blame it on the nearest LAD.
36) Thou shall aim to own as many different pairs of shoes as possible in one's lifetime.
37) Thou shall always refuse to make any kind of sandwich for the male specimen.
38) Thou shall remember that boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails
39) Thou shall be aware of the danger of CHIPS = a moment in thy lips, a lifetime on thy hips.
40) Thou shall not lie, unless it is a necessary white lie.
41) Thou shall ALWAYS judge boys who drink alcopops.
42) Thou shall not accept COD in any other form but as a large edible fish
43) Thou shall not accept ‘playing FIFA’ as a valid excuse for being pied off by one’s boyfriend.
44) Thou shall not cheat, but more importantly, thou shall cut off the balls of any man who is caught cheating.
45) Thou shall worship the creation of tampons, as a gift from mother nature.
46) When asked, 'does my bum look big in this?' by thou fellow LASS, thou shall always answer NO to avoid hurting the feelings of thine fellow LASS; honesty is NOT always the best policy.
47) Thou shall avoid sitting with one’s legs wide open.
48) Thou shall praise any male who has an IQ higher than 100 and/or has the ability to succesfully multi-task.
49) Thou shall NEVER refer to God as a LAD and one must instead assume she is a LASS.
50) Thou shall continue to help expand the rules of this precious LASS bible!
51) Thou shall never break the unwritten rule of going with another LASS's ex-boyfriend.
52) Thou shall always make thy LAD want more.
53) Thou shall stand by thine fellow LASSES against slags/whores/adulteresses and all other men stealing associates.
54) Thou shall never allow herself to be played into the slimy hands of thy LAD.
55) Thou shall always remember it's not lady-like to spit, unless it is in the sandwich of man thou dislikes (in which case it can be deemed acceptable).
56) Thou shall (under no circumstances) like the LAD bible as it's content degrades us LASS's.
57) Thou should not hesitate to kick a man hard in his private area if he is working his ticket/aggravating thee.
58) Thou shall not let her legs be seen in public without being shaven and soft.
59) Thou shall remember that although LADs are clearly incapable of making their own sandwiches, this does NOT mean that we should make their sandwiches for them.
60) Thou should ignore thy label and eat thy yorkie bar without hesitating.
61) Thou shall pull out the hair and shave off the eyebrows of any LASS who is happy to be a cock sucking, licky arse, sandwich maker.
62) Thou shall rate all LAD's out of ten and give minus points for any LAD who has a car, their torso or another man as their display picture as this clearly shows they are not aesthetically pleasing enough to show their face.
63) Thou shall NEVER back down in an argument with a LAD.
64) Thou shall understand that this is banter and if thou cannot take said banter, thou should remove thy self from said page.
65) Thou LASS shall not marry unless thy LAD has plenty of money.
66) Thou shall always remember that Gordon Brown is not an acceptable one night stand, regardless as to how intoxticated one may or may not be.
67) Thou shall recognise HALO only as a hit single by Beyoncé.
68) On a night out, thou shall pass toilet roll under/over the cubicle wall (when requested) to help thy fellow LASS.
69) Thou is permitted to resurrect any past occurrence in which it was proved the male was a total bastard to assist in winning any new argument to prove that yet again the male is a total bastard.
70) Thou has the right to change thy mind at any given time for any/no reason.
71) Thou shall always be fashionably late.
72) Thou can use PMS as a valid excuse for being an absolute bitch.
73) Thou shall NOT take any kitchen insults seriously as most men do not hold enough 'sausage' to even fill a sandwich.
74) Thou shall be completely independent and not rely on anyone to perform ‘tasks' for thee, as this would degrade one’s self and could be viewed as typical, appauling LAD behaviour.
75) Thou shall use her nails to ferociously scratch a man if necessary.
76) Thou shall remember – thy LAD will starve without thy LASS and shall turn gay (or f*ck watermelons/pies - which ever comes first)
77) Thou shall be proud of their kitchen skills and think one's self lucky that they are not skilled in such embarassing tasks as fixing toilets/cleaning dustbins like men.
78) Thou should ALWAYS get thy own way...if at first one does not succeed, one should stamp their feet and scream loudly as a means to an end.
79) Thou shall pretend thy is going to swallow then allow thy LAD's load to explode all over him, so he can see how it feels to be covered in sticky/cheesy man juice.
80) If thy LAD is found to be cheating, as a punishment, thou shall collect his man juice some way and pour it over his cereal/into his tea the following morning as a warning/punishment.
81) Thou shall act innocent till one has got thine own way, then resume to being a bitch once her way has been successfully got.
82) If thou has it, thou shall flaunt it!
83) If thou can't find mr right, thou shall turn to mr vibrator.
84) Thou shall appreciate Adele, Beyoncé, Rihanna and any other female artists who use their music to show that women are superior.
85) If thou shall accidentally run into an Ex... thou shall put it in reverse and do it again and again
86) Thou shall use the excuse of the menstrual cycle wisely, in order to avoid intercouse with an undesirable LAD.
87) Thou shall get pictures of thou LAD's small penis and use them as a weapon if he ever steps out of line.
88) If one's head is pushed down whilst performing a generous sexual act upon a man, thou is permitted to bite HARD on said man's penis.
89) Thou shall climb on the nearest available surface to dance when drunk.
90) Thou shall avoid wearing kitten heels as their heel size isn't suitable for any real LASS.
91) Thou shall realise that although most LAD's are happy to abuse women on facebook, they are probably under the strict control of awoman at home, for example having a 9pm curfew in place by their mother.
92) Thou shall play hard to get.
93) If one wishes to commit murder upon thy man, thou shall inject anit-freeze into his sandwich to ensure a slow, painful death in which said man's organs will fail in an excruciating manner.
94) Thou shall always hold back the hair of thy drunken friend who is chundering.
95) Thou shall always offer thy fellow LASS a shoulder to cry on.
96) If thy heart of thou friend has been broken by a man, thou shall come baring films, chocolate, popcorn and any other edibles to help thine fellow LASS recover so one can plot revenge upon thy said man.
97) Thou shall always use 'no sex for you' as a threat to thine LAD.
98) Thou shall not try and gain male attention by agreeing with the LAD Bible or degrading one's self, thou shalt go forth and destroy LAD reputation instead.
99) If thou has time, thou shall try and learn the entire script of 'Mean Girls'
100) Thou shall ask thy LAD, 'Could you bleed for a week and not die?'
101) Thou shall always remind thy LAD that thou has worn heels bigger than his penis.
102) Thou shall castrate/circumcise any male who treats one badly.
103) Thou shall pity any LAD who makes sexist 'kitchen jokes' because they are still yet to lose their virginity.
104) If thy friend's judgement is poor due to alcohol intoxication, one shall help her avoid ugly munters/male predators.
105) Thou must always say 'Is it in yet?' during sexual intercourse to help thy LAD remember he is not as big as he believes himself to be.
106) Thou LASS must never pity thy LAD who claims to have 'man flu' or need 'man tissues' as he a merely a LAD and not a MAN.
107) Thou shall never accept any insults from thy LAD, but instead prepare one's self with thy wit to silence said LAD into a humiliated and 'owned' state of inferiority.
108) Thou shall always think very little of any LAD who talks about his himself/his car when attempting to impress one.
109) Thou must remember that thy monarch, QUEEN Elizabeth II, is a LASS (or more accurately a woman).
110) Thou shall try and shop till one's physically drops.
111) Thou shall question whether thy LAD could survive the exceptionally painful process of 'childbirth'
112) Thou shall never wear white underwear with a dark dress under UV lighting.
113) If thy LAD, tries to 'take the dirt road instead, because one's river flows red', thou shall aggressively force a jumbo tampon up thy LAD's arse exclaiming loudly, 'how do you like it?!', if thine LAD is pleasured, get rid; said LAD is potentially gay.
114) Thou shall only take advice from one man; Gok Wan.
115) Thou shall refuse to make thy LAD a sandwich, and instead make one for herself and devour it slowly with over-exaggerated noises of contentment.
116) Thou shall put thy LAD's XBOX or PS3 into the oven for dessert.
117) In extreme cases of LAD misbehaviour, thou shall turn on the cold tap when thy LAD is in the shower, so as to punish him with third degree burns and teach him a very valuable lesson; not to mess with thine LASS.
118) If thine boyfriend spends more time with his games console than his girlifriend, thou shall snap his COD/FIFA/HALO disk(s) and repeat this action if thine LAD buys new disk(s) but continues to behave in an unacceptable manner.
119) Thou shall always laugh when thy LAD mistakes centimetres for inches when talking about the size of his penis.
120) Thou shall try on many different outfits, throw a tantrum and declare that one will not be going out.. this shall continue until one eventually calms down and finds thy right outfit.
121) Thou shall ask for directions just to annoy thy LAD, whom is unable to come to terms with the fact that he is completely lost.
122) Thou shall crush up estrogen pills and put them in thine boyfriend's sandwich if he hath failed to earn enough money to buy one a valentines card.
123) Thou shall punch any LAD who wears fake tan/waxes his eyebrows as this is not acceptable MAN behaviour.
124) Thou shall recognise the resemble between thy LAD and thine toilet; they are either full of **** or engaged/taken.
125) Thou shall remember; we were able to put man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.
1) Thou shall commit one’s self to the commandments written in this bible.
2) Thou shall guard one's make-up with her life.
3) Thou shall refer to one’s vagina as her 'fufu' ‘VJJ’, ‘tuppence’ or ‘miffy, as oppose to her 'gash' 'pussy' ‘c*nt’ or ‘fanny’.
4) Thou must always tell her boyfriend he looks nice, although it is highly likely that he needs a shave/haircut/wash.
5) Thou must never stand up to urinate.
6) Thou shall NEVER put one’s hands down thou pants.
7) Thou shall do thou best to act feminine.
8) Thou shall appreciate one’s womanly curves and ghetto booty as a gift from God.
9) Thou shall avoid hair in the following areas; rectum, toes, legs, stomach, armpits, above thine upper lip.
10) If thou does not like wine, thou shall pretend to like it anyway.
11)Thou shall always wear a bra to avoid any unneccesary sagging in later life.
12) Thou must remember that without our eggs, man would not exist, therefore we are superior to man.
13) Thou must never make a porno of any kind.
14) Thou shall only flash one’s ****s/miffy in an attempt to gain freebies.
15) Thou shall sometimes fake an orgasm during sex to avoid hurting the feelings of thine LAD.
16) Thou shall scream louder than necessary to boost male ego.
17) Thou shall use the power of TEASE.
18) Thou shall appreciate the creation of GHDS.
19) Thou shall never use lipstick as a substitute for blusher.
20) Thou must avoid the drip/dry method at all costs.
21) Thou shall not stuff thou bra with tissue paper or socks, thou must either accept thy flat chest or buy a padded bra
22) If thou be brave enough, thou shall get a Vajazzle!
23) Thou shall not fondle with another LASS's man.
24) Thou shall not accept ‘being tired’ as a viable reason for falling asleep before/during sex.
25) Thou shall avoid buying male clothing for one's self.
26) Thou shall shop at EVERY opportunity.
27) Thou shall not let her eyebrow(s) form one eyebrow.
28) If thou has dark hair, thou shall shave her moustache.
29) Thou shall strictly follow the rule, ‘chicks before dicks’
30) Thou shall kick man in his private area if he is being a sexual pest.
31) Thou shall not wear male underwear.
32) Thou shall never take steroids to increase the size of her biceps.
33) Thou shall take care not to allow her vaginal hair to become a pubic forest.
34) Thou shall never bite thou toenails, pick thou nose or itch thou bum in public.
35) Thou shall not admit to flatulating and instead blame it on the nearest LAD.
36) Thou shall aim to own as many different pairs of shoes as possible in one's lifetime.
37) Thou shall always refuse to make any kind of sandwich for the male specimen.
38) Thou shall remember that boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails
39) Thou shall be aware of the danger of CHIPS = a moment in thy lips, a lifetime on thy hips.
40) Thou shall not lie, unless it is a necessary white lie.
41) Thou shall ALWAYS judge boys who drink alcopops.
42) Thou shall not accept COD in any other form but as a large edible fish
43) Thou shall not accept ‘playing FIFA’ as a valid excuse for being pied off by one’s boyfriend.
44) Thou shall not cheat, but more importantly, thou shall cut off the balls of any man who is caught cheating.
45) Thou shall worship the creation of tampons, as a gift from mother nature.
46) When asked, 'does my bum look big in this?' by thou fellow LASS, thou shall always answer NO to avoid hurting the feelings of thine fellow LASS; honesty is NOT always the best policy.
47) Thou shall avoid sitting with one’s legs wide open.
48) Thou shall praise any male who has an IQ higher than 100 and/or has the ability to succesfully multi-task.
49) Thou shall NEVER refer to God as a LAD and one must instead assume she is a LASS.
50) Thou shall continue to help expand the rules of this precious LASS bible!
51) Thou shall never break the unwritten rule of going with another LASS's ex-boyfriend.
52) Thou shall always make thy LAD want more.
53) Thou shall stand by thine fellow LASSES against slags/whores/adulteresses and all other men stealing associates.
54) Thou shall never allow herself to be played into the slimy hands of thy LAD.
55) Thou shall always remember it's not lady-like to spit, unless it is in the sandwich of man thou dislikes (in which case it can be deemed acceptable).
56) Thou shall (under no circumstances) like the LAD bible as it's content degrades us LASS's.
57) Thou should not hesitate to kick a man hard in his private area if he is working his ticket/aggravating thee.
58) Thou shall not let her legs be seen in public without being shaven and soft.
59) Thou shall remember that although LADs are clearly incapable of making their own sandwiches, this does NOT mean that we should make their sandwiches for them.
60) Thou should ignore thy label and eat thy yorkie bar without hesitating.
61) Thou shall pull out the hair and shave off the eyebrows of any LASS who is happy to be a cock sucking, licky arse, sandwich maker.
62) Thou shall rate all LAD's out of ten and give minus points for any LAD who has a car, their torso or another man as their display picture as this clearly shows they are not aesthetically pleasing enough to show their face.
63) Thou shall NEVER back down in an argument with a LAD.
64) Thou shall understand that this is banter and if thou cannot take said banter, thou should remove thy self from said page.
65) Thou LASS shall not marry unless thy LAD has plenty of money.
66) Thou shall always remember that Gordon Brown is not an acceptable one night stand, regardless as to how intoxticated one may or may not be.
67) Thou shall recognise HALO only as a hit single by Beyoncé.
68) On a night out, thou shall pass toilet roll under/over the cubicle wall (when requested) to help thy fellow LASS.
69) Thou is permitted to resurrect any past occurrence in which it was proved the male was a total bastard to assist in winning any new argument to prove that yet again the male is a total bastard.
70) Thou has the right to change thy mind at any given time for any/no reason.
71) Thou shall always be fashionably late.
72) Thou can use PMS as a valid excuse for being an absolute bitch.
73) Thou shall NOT take any kitchen insults seriously as most men do not hold enough 'sausage' to even fill a sandwich.
74) Thou shall be completely independent and not rely on anyone to perform ‘tasks' for thee, as this would degrade one’s self and could be viewed as typical, appauling LAD behaviour.
75) Thou shall use her nails to ferociously scratch a man if necessary.
76) Thou shall remember – thy LAD will starve without thy LASS and shall turn gay (or f*ck watermelons/pies - which ever comes first)
77) Thou shall be proud of their kitchen skills and think one's self lucky that they are not skilled in such embarassing tasks as fixing toilets/cleaning dustbins like men.
78) Thou should ALWAYS get thy own way...if at first one does not succeed, one should stamp their feet and scream loudly as a means to an end.
79) Thou shall pretend thy is going to swallow then allow thy LAD's load to explode all over him, so he can see how it feels to be covered in sticky/cheesy man juice.
80) If thy LAD is found to be cheating, as a punishment, thou shall collect his man juice some way and pour it over his cereal/into his tea the following morning as a warning/punishment.
81) Thou shall act innocent till one has got thine own way, then resume to being a bitch once her way has been successfully got.
82) If thou has it, thou shall flaunt it!
83) If thou can't find mr right, thou shall turn to mr vibrator.
84) Thou shall appreciate Adele, Beyoncé, Rihanna and any other female artists who use their music to show that women are superior.
85) If thou shall accidentally run into an Ex... thou shall put it in reverse and do it again and again
86) Thou shall use the excuse of the menstrual cycle wisely, in order to avoid intercouse with an undesirable LAD.
87) Thou shall get pictures of thou LAD's small penis and use them as a weapon if he ever steps out of line.
88) If one's head is pushed down whilst performing a generous sexual act upon a man, thou is permitted to bite HARD on said man's penis.
89) Thou shall climb on the nearest available surface to dance when drunk.
90) Thou shall avoid wearing kitten heels as their heel size isn't suitable for any real LASS.
91) Thou shall realise that although most LAD's are happy to abuse women on facebook, they are probably under the strict control of awoman at home, for example having a 9pm curfew in place by their mother.
92) Thou shall play hard to get.
93) If one wishes to commit murder upon thy man, thou shall inject anit-freeze into his sandwich to ensure a slow, painful death in which said man's organs will fail in an excruciating manner.
94) Thou shall always hold back the hair of thy drunken friend who is chundering.
95) Thou shall always offer thy fellow LASS a shoulder to cry on.
96) If thy heart of thou friend has been broken by a man, thou shall come baring films, chocolate, popcorn and any other edibles to help thine fellow LASS recover so one can plot revenge upon thy said man.
97) Thou shall always use 'no sex for you' as a threat to thine LAD.
98) Thou shall not try and gain male attention by agreeing with the LAD Bible or degrading one's self, thou shalt go forth and destroy LAD reputation instead.
99) If thou has time, thou shall try and learn the entire script of 'Mean Girls'
100) Thou shall ask thy LAD, 'Could you bleed for a week and not die?'
101) Thou shall always remind thy LAD that thou has worn heels bigger than his penis.
102) Thou shall castrate/circumcise any male who treats one badly.
103) Thou shall pity any LAD who makes sexist 'kitchen jokes' because they are still yet to lose their virginity.
104) If thy friend's judgement is poor due to alcohol intoxication, one shall help her avoid ugly munters/male predators.
105) Thou must always say 'Is it in yet?' during sexual intercourse to help thy LAD remember he is not as big as he believes himself to be.
106) Thou LASS must never pity thy LAD who claims to have 'man flu' or need 'man tissues' as he a merely a LAD and not a MAN.
107) Thou shall never accept any insults from thy LAD, but instead prepare one's self with thy wit to silence said LAD into a humiliated and 'owned' state of inferiority.
108) Thou shall always think very little of any LAD who talks about his himself/his car when attempting to impress one.
109) Thou must remember that thy monarch, QUEEN Elizabeth II, is a LASS (or more accurately a woman).
110) Thou shall try and shop till one's physically drops.
111) Thou shall question whether thy LAD could survive the exceptionally painful process of 'childbirth'
112) Thou shall never wear white underwear with a dark dress under UV lighting.
113) If thy LAD, tries to 'take the dirt road instead, because one's river flows red', thou shall aggressively force a jumbo tampon up thy LAD's arse exclaiming loudly, 'how do you like it?!', if thine LAD is pleasured, get rid; said LAD is potentially gay.
114) Thou shall only take advice from one man; Gok Wan.
115) Thou shall refuse to make thy LAD a sandwich, and instead make one for herself and devour it slowly with over-exaggerated noises of contentment.
116) Thou shall put thy LAD's XBOX or PS3 into the oven for dessert.
117) In extreme cases of LAD misbehaviour, thou shall turn on the cold tap when thy LAD is in the shower, so as to punish him with third degree burns and teach him a very valuable lesson; not to mess with thine LASS.
118) If thine boyfriend spends more time with his games console than his girlifriend, thou shall snap his COD/FIFA/HALO disk(s) and repeat this action if thine LAD buys new disk(s) but continues to behave in an unacceptable manner.
119) Thou shall always laugh when thy LAD mistakes centimetres for inches when talking about the size of his penis.
120) Thou shall try on many different outfits, throw a tantrum and declare that one will not be going out.. this shall continue until one eventually calms down and finds thy right outfit.
121) Thou shall ask for directions just to annoy thy LAD, whom is unable to come to terms with the fact that he is completely lost.
122) Thou shall crush up estrogen pills and put them in thine boyfriend's sandwich if he hath failed to earn enough money to buy one a valentines card.
123) Thou shall punch any LAD who wears fake tan/waxes his eyebrows as this is not acceptable MAN behaviour.
124) Thou shall recognise the resemble between thy LAD and thine toilet; they are either full of **** or engaged/taken.
125) Thou shall remember; we were able to put man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.
