Friday Funnies

[Leanne]

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TIRES
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

HOURGLASS
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...

 

[Leanne]

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. So put the tray-up, Bitch"

 

[DrDrew]

This one appeared a couple of days ago, should have probably put it up then

 

[pritchp]

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. So put the tray-up, Bitch"

THATS ME!

 

[Leanne]

Funnily enough when I got it I instantly thought of you!! :lol:

 

[DrDrew]

 

[Courtney]

:lol:

 

[HigtonA]

:lol: :lol:

 

[DrDrew]

 

[DrDrew]

and in case it displays massively

https://i.imgur.com/x8wGN.jpg

 

[singlespeed]

To be fair, it would be less painfull to be shot :lol:

 

[DrDrew]

[youtube]GZ_fbECcNsA[/youtube]

Can you imagine Cameron or Clegg trying this?
[youtube]CW3wOV0cv2A[/youtube]

 

[matbry01]

Hehe

 

[DrDrew]

And a fail compilation video to add to the end

[youtube]bSiDLCf5u3s[/youtube]

 

[matbry01]

Sn a vast majority of them vids. Still a good laugh

 

[DrDrew]

Got something on your mind?

 

[manofhow]

that guys face in the last one is priceless.

 

[matbry01]

Sent from my HTC Sensation XE with Beats Audio Z715e using Tapatalk

 

[singlespeed]

A man and his wife are woken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud knocking on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is standing in the pouring rain.

"Excuse me mate", he asks, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I don't suppose you could help me out - I need a push!

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, puts a coat over his dressing gown, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.


"Over here on the swing!"
=================================
A woman went into the dry cleaners. Unbeknown to her the guy behind the counter is deaf.

" I need this stain cleaning" she said

"come again?" he replied

"no it's cream this time" she blushed.

 

[DrDrew]